S'mores!

Last night we had our neighbors over for s'mores and wine! The kids in our neighborhood are so adorable and Miles and Katrina have the best time with all of them. Having great women across the street and right next door has been a winderful thing! We have spent a lot of time together and it's great. I took some really cute pictures of the kids and their s'more night!

I love our neighbors!

Katrina, Olivia, Nick, Jeffrey, Blake, Cole, Miles

Nick

Katrina and Nick- same grade....future prom date??? maybe!

Jeffy and his cousin Olivia

Miles playing "fuzzy bunny" stuffing as many marshmallows in his mouth as possible...the kids thought that was hilarious! Blake and Cole his buddies next door!

Miles laughing so hard- he could not stuff any more marshmallows in his mouth!



Rain Rain GO AWAY

Today is another dark and dreary day in Oregon (though not as bad of a winter as last year)... On days like today I like to think about these things...

another beach trip will be planned in our near future!

Love HATS & SUNGLASSES& BEACH!

BAGS!

MAXI DRESSES ....MUST HAVE





SUN YOU ARE MY FRIEND...I CANNOT WAIT FOR YOU TO SHINE AGAIN!!!

Projects keeping us busy...

Dave and I are doing great and feeling a lot better after a very very trying week! We know that everything happens for a reason and still pray for our healthy baby. For now, we are moving on and staying positive. We are doing our best to keep busy and do fun things for ourselves to help us!

Dave, the kids and I had a lovely brunch with "extended family friends" when we first moved to Oregon and were inspired to paint a Baker Chef on our pantry door in the kitchen! Thank you Dennis and Illene for the inspiration and idea! We love our "Pierre Baker"! Our chef kept Dave's mind off of things and he did a fantastic job painting him. He also organized our garage and we will now BOTH park in the garage!

"Baker Vino" painted on the wine bottle

Among some great meals and wine keeping us busy, we have had soccer games and have been hanging out with the kids.

Last night Dave and I had a really cool experience. We went together and I got a tattoo!! No, I never thought I would get a tattoo...After our first miscarriage I wanted one but never went thru with it, just kept thinking about it! After the week we had this week , we decided we should do it! The tattoo has so much sentimental meaning and though some think I may regret it some day, I love it! I got a tiny butterfly on my right foot representing the babies heart beat..(the flutters during the ultrasound reminded me so much of a butterfly). Dave and I had a blast at the tattoo parlor with the artist. He was covered in tattoos and piercings and was so nice to us being that I had never done that before. My adrenaline was rushing and as cheesy as it sounds it was very healing for both of us to get this with such meaning behind it. No, I am not crazy. I just have a small tattoo to remind us of this time in our life.

We have also been working on our laundry room...and it will soon look similar to this! Afterall, "It All Comes Out in The Wash"

MOVING ONWARD AND UPWARD BAKER'S !!!!!

~No Heart Beat~

A dear friend from college sent me this quote today and though it is very sad, I have reflected on it for hours and it has truly helped me!

"An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth. Then whispered as she closed the book; too beautiful for Earth."

Dave and I wanted this baby more than anything! Dave and I wanted our twins more than anything too! We were devastated to find out there is no heart beat. When we talk about this together and why this is happening, we realize we want a healthy and happy baby. As a mother and father, you want to protect your children from the ills of the world and you want to do everything in your power to give him/her a great, vibrant start into the world! These miscarriages are God's way of telling us that something was not right. Something about these babies was not healthy.

Tomorrow is my second D&C procedure and I can think of thousands of things I would rather do. My husband will be with me in the waiting room and he somehow makes things better. I have gained such an admiration for women who go through this three, four and five times. HOW? How can someone be so strong? They give me courage. (On a side note, Dave and I have talked about how many times this has happened to women before the amazing technology of today. What happened to them? They likely passed a baby painfully on their own or even worse, died. Thank God for advanced technology.)

Moving forward we will continue to be strong together and go about our business. Though it makes me sick the thought of this happening to us a third time, we want this. If at first (or even second) you don't succeed....TRY, TRY, AGAIN! Baker Family Rule # 3 is Baker's never quit! The Baker babies are tattooed on my heart forever and have taught me strength, patience and unimaginable love. If my life plan was totally up to me, we would have had a baby or two by now but it's so clear to us that not all things are in our control.

We have been blessed with amazing family, friends and neighbors! I will forever be grateful for them!

XO XO XO! Hugs and Kisses to all of you and THANK YOU for all of your support, prayers and love.

~Our baby in my belly needs your prayers~

We Baker's have had better days!

Monday- December 12th, 2010- We got the best early Christmas present EVER!! I take an at home pregnancy test that reveals two lines! We are pregnant! I cannot believe it, so I do another one! PREGNANT! I cried I was so happy and could not contain my excitement. I called Dave right away knowing I could come up with a cuter way of telling him, but I can't hold it inside! I started telling all of our closest friends and family! Of course,  I cannot keep a secret from anyone; especially one so exciting! We have wanted this so bad! We are pregnant again!

Wednesday- December 28th, 2010- First Doctor appointment- Blood and urine tested which also determines what we already knew, yes, we are PREGNANT!!! WHOO HOO!! We talk names, we talk baby room, we look at baby beds, we continue to tell everyone including Miles and Katrina on Christmas Day with a letter from their baby sibling. They are going to be a big brother and sister and we are a family! The blood lines have crossed! What a gift! We have been through so much together we thought sure it was safe to tell them. After all, god forbid if something bad happen they would know anyway.

Friday- January 6th, 2012- 7 1/2 weeks pregnant and it's our first ultrasound! We were so nervous and so excited all at once. Based on our experience last time, I think we could have fainted. I got emotional the morning before we went because I was scared of what they may say. We wanted good news. Things have felt fine this time so we thought for sure it would be great news!  We went and the news was terrible to say the least.

I am mad. I am so mad, confused, sad and determined all at once. I have told many of my friends and family at this point, hopeful that this pregnancy would turn out differently than the last one. I have told Miles and Katrina and what will I tell them now. I am so excited about this precious baby that we have wanted since June 26, 2010, our wedding day. Now this.

I could have punched the ultrasound technician in the face and I thought Dave was going to put his hand through the wall! The technician did not say much which was not comforting at all...she kept taking measurements of the pregnancy, the sac,  the baby and looking at my ovaries. The silence was deafening and I wanted to punch her. We ask her what she is seeing  annoyed she won't just talk to us and we are barely seeing a heartbeat. "The heart rate is slower than we would expect this far along in pregnancy. The doctor will have to tell you more once he looks at the information". I could not even look at my husband and could barely breathe. I was so angry and sad that as I was getting dressed, I saw the ultrasound picture of our baby on the counter and before we changed rooms to talk to the doctor,  I left the office without the picture on the counter top of our baby.  

How can this happen to us again? What is going wrong? Why? I just don't get it. While talking to our doctor, he explains, "Heather, you are not a freak. I can only imagine you imagine this your fault and it is not. This happens to very healthy women all the time. They miscarry sometimes two and three times and then have a healthy beautiful baby." But he cannot tell me why. I hate that! I don't want another miscarriage! I want this baby! He says, "It is likely you will miscarry again. The baby has a heart rate of 50-80 and we should be seeing over 100. But it has a heart beat!" He says "the baby compared to last miscarriage is bigger. The head to rump is bigger which means that has been growth. Give this one week and come back and we will know more." I don't want to wait a week! I want to know what is happening inside of me! I don't want another surgery to remove my baby. It's terrible. It's awful. Nothing is making me feel better. I want this baby!

I was not going to share this terrible news with anyone but have told so many people of our pregnancy out of pure joy and excitement that writing this makes me feel better and I don't have to tell this story over and over! This is our Baker Family Blog and this is part of our life. Please pray for us, we have seen better days. We need your prayers and are thankful for them.

Friday is my next appointment and we will keep you posted!

Love you all so much,

xoxo

Pregnancy test #1

Test #2

The beautiful statue I got Dave for Christmas!