Monday- December 12th, 2010- We got the best early Christmas present EVER!! I take an at home pregnancy test that reveals two lines! We are pregnant! I cannot believe it, so I do another one! PREGNANT! I cried I was so happy and could not contain my excitement. I called Dave right away knowing I could come up with a cuter way of telling him, but I can't hold it inside! I started telling all of our closest friends and family! Of course, I cannot keep a secret from anyone; especially one so exciting! We have wanted this so bad! We are pregnant again!
Wednesday- December 28th, 2010- First Doctor appointment- Blood and urine tested which also determines what we already knew, yes, we are PREGNANT!!! WHOO HOO!! We talk names, we talk baby room, we look at baby beds, we continue to tell everyone including Miles and Katrina on Christmas Day with a letter from their baby sibling. They are going to be a big brother and sister and we are a family! The blood lines have crossed! What a gift! We have been through so much together we thought sure it was safe to tell them. After all, god forbid if something bad happen they would know anyway.
Friday- January 6th, 2012- 7 1/2 weeks pregnant and it's our first ultrasound! We were so nervous and so excited all at once. Based on our experience last time, I think we could have fainted. I got emotional the morning before we went because I was scared of what they may say. We wanted good news. Things have felt fine this time so we thought for sure it would be great news! We went and the news was terrible to say the least.
I am mad. I am so mad, confused, sad and determined all at once. I have told many of my friends and family at this point, hopeful that this pregnancy would turn out differently than the last one. I have told Miles and Katrina and what will I tell them now. I am so excited about this precious baby that we have wanted since June 26, 2010, our wedding day. Now this.
I could have punched the ultrasound technician in the face and I thought Dave was going to put his hand through the wall! The technician did not say much which was not comforting at all...she kept taking measurements of the pregnancy, the sac, the baby and looking at my ovaries. The silence was deafening and I wanted to punch her. We ask her what she is seeing annoyed she won't just talk to us and we are barely seeing a heartbeat. "The heart rate is slower than we would expect this far along in pregnancy. The doctor will have to tell you more once he looks at the information". I could not even look at my husband and could barely breathe. I was so angry and sad that as I was getting dressed, I saw the ultrasound picture of our baby on the counter and before we changed rooms to talk to the doctor, I left the office without the picture on the counter top of our baby.
How can this happen to us again? What is going wrong? Why? I just don't get it. While talking to our doctor, he explains, "Heather, you are not a freak. I can only imagine you imagine this your fault and it is not. This happens to very healthy women all the time. They miscarry sometimes two and three times and then have a healthy beautiful baby." But he cannot tell me why. I hate that! I don't want another miscarriage! I want this baby! He says, "It is likely you will miscarry again. The baby has a heart rate of 50-80 and we should be seeing over 100. But it has a heart beat!" He says "the baby compared to last miscarriage is bigger. The head to rump is bigger which means that has been growth. Give this one week and come back and we will know more." I don't want to wait a week! I want to know what is happening inside of me! I don't want another surgery to remove my baby. It's terrible. It's awful. Nothing is making me feel better. I want this baby!
I was not going to share this terrible news with anyone but have told so many people of our pregnancy out of pure joy and excitement that writing this makes me feel better and I don't have to tell this story over and over! This is our Baker Family Blog and this is part of our life. Please pray for us, we have seen better days. We need your prayers and are thankful for them.
Friday is my next appointment and we will keep you posted!
Love you all so much,
xoxo
 |
| Pregnancy test #1 |
 |
| Test #2 |
 |
| The beautiful statue I got Dave for Christmas! |
