I am truly humbled by Heather sometimes. After reading her blog last week, it’s clear that she has so many qualities that can be found in only the most admired personalities. After my divorce, I was initially concerned about how Miles and Katrina would receive another Mother into their lives? Once I met Heather those fears started to fade. In Heather, I knew the kids would find everything they weren’t getting and more. In Heather, Miles and Katrina would have a Motherly role model, that they could respect, in the sense and definition that I grew up knowing. I grew up with aspirations of wanting a cool title on my business card. So I worked hard in school and graduated with expectations of landing a high paying, a high powered position, with a Fortune 500 company! A business card that says CEO! President! Vice President of Operations! Add Your Title Here! As things would have it… I landed at Enterprise Rent A Car! Haha! When I started working at Enterprise, some 16 years ago, I was handed a business card where my title was “Management Trainee”. I hated that title. I mean really… keeping track of business cards even then was hard for people, let alone finding space for a card that says, “Management Trainee”. The title embarrassed me so much, that I never handed the card out, and I never introduced myself to a customer as a trainee. Not even on my first day. I figured if I wanted to be a Manager, I’d do everything I could to step up and be one, without advertising my lack of experience. If I did that, customers wouldn’t know the difference. And I was right. And as the story goes, I got promoted quickly. Then a funny thing happened… When I got promoted to a position where my title actually meant something, it clearly meant more to other people than it did to me? I still viewed myself as the same goofy dude who enjoyed selling sketchy insurance to customers and playing jokes on other employees. However, it was clear that employees who didn’t know me, were clearly intimidated by my title and business card. None of it means anything. Titles, business cards, it’s all a joke. Not to get political but just because you are the President, it doesn’t make you a good one! In my opinion, the best leaders will selflessly avoid taking credit for their successes and unselfishly ignore excuses and take accountability for organizational failures. I find that leadership trait to be a quality that earns respect and unites people.
So what do business cards, and leaders have to do with this??? Here is a woman struggling with the concept of titles, and truly one of the most respected titles out there. It’s a confusing situation because while Heather has so much respect for her mom, my mom, and our grandmothers, Miles and Katrina just have a totally different concept of the word “Mom”. Based on their experiences, their definition is not the same. A business card that says “Mom” doesn’t necessarily mean anything if you aren’t involved. In my opinion, Heather doesn’t need a title!!! In fact, I can tell that Miles and Katrina have a hard time with this concept, because right now… the title “Heather” means much more to them. They don’t want to describe Heather as their “Step Mom” because it won’t portray Heather in a light that means enough to them. To them, it doesn’t do Heather the justice they think she deserves. Miles and Katrina are really smart. They get it. It’s not about titles… To them, no one will truly understand the dynamic of this family and the impact that Heather has had on their lives.
All this rhetoric leads me to the conclusion that titles, no matter what they are, are for needy people who feel the need to advertise a title that makes them feel more important. Maybe I’m being too harsh, but Heather needs no titles here! In my opinion this is why she has struggled with this traditional concept and so have the kids! You can’t put a label on Heather’s impact and influence on myself, Miles, and Katrina. I just can’t imagine where Miles and Katrina would be today without Heather (You can also include me in that statement!). Today, I can confidently and easily make the argument that Heather has been the most influential person in the kid’s lives. A title is just window dressing! “Heather” is irreplaceable! The most important thing in my mind is that Heather knows she can call those kids HERS!!!!!! Because that’s the damn skippy TRUTH!!!!!!
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Sunday, October 9, 2011
This Weekend and Next! ~ Great Times.
Besides the usual exciting soccer games this weekend, we did a lot of fun things! Friday night we had our friends (parents from Miles Baseball team and neighbors) over for pizza, wine and conversation. The kids ran around, had a ball and watched a movie. Saturday night I went next door to our neighbor Jen's house and had a blast at her Cabi Party!! It was great to meet MORE new women from our community and really have great conversation with them! Between my part time job at Hot Mama, The Neighborhood, Club Sport and School, we are really making some great friends! The other Moms in our community are truly great! I love seeing them at the gym, grocery store, school and recognizing them! Oregon really feels more like home each day! We had an eventful weekend and had a great time! I took a couple pictures that I will share. We got our pictures from our summer trip to Cape Cod in the mail from Gran! Dave got choked up at the one of Pop and Gran below! This is a picture we will cherish for a long time, already framed and proudly displayed in our home....one of our favorites ever!  |
| Framed in our home! Great Picture of the Baker cousins, Pop and Gran in Cape Cod 2011 |
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| Katrina and I ready to watch Miles soccer game- Saturday |
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| Cape Cod- July 2011 |
Best Wishes DeAnn and Tony!
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| DeAnn and I at our wedding in Florida! |
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| Beautiful De |
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| De and Tony Prettyman in KC, MO at a Blues Bar when Dave and I visited!! (soon to be Mr. and Mrs.) |
Friday, October 7, 2011
A Step Parent- It's not about what is easy.
I am clearly not a doctor of any kind and I absolutely do not have all the answers to life's questions. I would just like to take a second and thank all Step Parents! I am by no means trying to be political or save the world here.... This blog entry may be meaningless to some, but this blog is called Baker Buzz and I am Heather Baker. I am a Mom.
My husband Dave and I are blessed by the fact we did not grow up in split families. Dave's Mom and Dad, Jay and Mary Ann, have been happily married for more than 40 years. My Mom and Dad, Rick and Missy, have been happily married for 30 years in March . We truly have the best parents anyone could ask for. Our parents are our role models. They are our experience and where we have learned about what parenting , mothering, fathering and what being a family means. This is why we don't have a great play book on the right and wrong of a split family and often wish we did. My mind the last 4 years (time flies) of Dave and I's wonderful relationship has been spinning on the idea of a Step Parent and what that means, what the definition is, and what the right way and wrong way of doing things is. To be honest, I have no clue. I have some experience with a few of my friends and their step parents but not a lot. All I know is my love for Miles and Katrina is astounding. I have no biological children yet to compare any differences but in my mind there are very few differences if any.. Miles and Katrina do not have my blood but they certainly have a hold on my heart. My goal as a step parent is not and never has been to take any one's place. My goal is to be someone who loves their kids, biological and not, unconditionally, selflessly and do everything right by them. Like any parent, there are days I am selfish and make mistakes. I am certainly not perfect.
My husband Dave and I are blessed by the fact we did not grow up in split families. Dave's Mom and Dad, Jay and Mary Ann, have been happily married for more than 40 years. My Mom and Dad, Rick and Missy, have been happily married for 30 years in March . We truly have the best parents anyone could ask for. Our parents are our role models. They are our experience and where we have learned about what parenting , mothering, fathering and what being a family means. This is why we don't have a great play book on the right and wrong of a split family and often wish we did. My mind the last 4 years (time flies) of Dave and I's wonderful relationship has been spinning on the idea of a Step Parent and what that means, what the definition is, and what the right way and wrong way of doing things is. To be honest, I have no clue. I have some experience with a few of my friends and their step parents but not a lot. All I know is my love for Miles and Katrina is astounding. I have no biological children yet to compare any differences but in my mind there are very few differences if any.. Miles and Katrina do not have my blood but they certainly have a hold on my heart. My goal as a step parent is not and never has been to take any one's place. My goal is to be someone who loves their kids, biological and not, unconditionally, selflessly and do everything right by them. Like any parent, there are days I am selfish and make mistakes. I am certainly not perfect.
I have 421 Facebook friends. Some of the people/old friends, I have not spoken to in years and are acquaintances from High School, College , and my jobs following college. Others are true friends and family! Either way, when I posted this unusual post below, I expected all kinds of responses based on the fact that no two blended families are alike.
Facebook Post: "If someone asked me to describe myself, in part of the description I would write, A Mom. That is a fair statement wouldn't you say? What is your opinion of step parents and their role in a child's life? I truly want to hear...I think I have decided my next blog entry and I want you to be a part of it...please comment"
I expected some negative responses, some positive and some in between. I expected, "My Step Mom is a Bit$h", "My Step Dad sucks", "Step Moms or Dads are not parents" or something along those lines. Because of course, Step Parents often have a bad rap! Instead, I received such positive reinforcement and guidance from people I care about a lot!
I have changed names, ages, etc in the responses below for confidentiality purposes of the respondents but all polls lead to my answer. Being a parent of any kind is a choice. A step parent like a biological parent has a choice. The choices are what kind of parent they choose to be. To give it their all and give it their best, given some good and some bad days. OR forget it, give up and not get involved. No one said it was going to be easy but as a great friend has said, it's not about what is easy. It's about the children involved. Below are a few of the responses to my post.
Response #1
So I have a very strong opinion on this one, and I love the opportunity to share my thoughts. I 100% think you should describe yourself as a mom, and it wouldn't be fair to yourself, step-kids, or husband to think otherwise. But that is YOU. There are so many step-parents out there that don't take the role as a step-parent near as seriously as they should. I was in 2nd grade when my Mom re-married, so technically I have had a step-dad since I was 8. I'm now 28, and after almost 20 years, I still hardly know my step-dad, or have anything close to a relationship with him. This has affected my life in a huge way. Not only do I have anger towards my mother for not thinking it was important for her kids and husband to have a close relationship, but I don't understand a man with step children who could have step-kids for almost 20 years and not speak to them. I understand that the dynamic with families doesn't always make it easy for step-parents and kids to be close, but it's not about what's easy.
You are the true example of what step-parents should strive to be. I'm sure you've had your fair share of ups and down and times of major adjustment, but you've handled things with such grace, just like you handle most everything in your life. You may or may not realize it, but the positive impact your actions are making on those kids is something that will enrich their lives for every year to come.
When my Dad re-married a few years back during college, I gained another step-parent, but this time as an adult. No matter how old we get as kids, it's always wonderful to have another person in your life who loves you, and who you can love back. And that's what's most important--love and support--for parents and children alike. Luckily my step-mom has shown me how beautiful a step-parent/child relationship can be. The world needs more step-parents like you, Heather, and you should hold your head high every single time you say that you are a mom.
RESPONSE #2
I saw your post and I'll be interested in what you write, mainly because you are so loving and active in your step childrens' lives. I have a totally different experience with my oldest step mother and I wish for her sake she could take a lesson from your play book. I honestly do not believe that everyone can be a good step parent and that it takes love and patience to care for a child that is biologically not your own. Unfortunately in our case, her step mother wants nothing to do with her and encourages her father to distance himself. She refuses to be involved in any family function that involves both sides of his family and makes it difficult and confusing for him to love us all and enjoy her time with both sets of parents. Just know that those step mom's like you make it easier for biological mothers when their child is away. They provide comfort and stability to children who have split homes. I know you love those kiddos from reading your blog and look forward to what you will have to say!
RESPONSE #3
I think step parents have a huge impact on a child's life Heather. Just because someone isn't a biological parent doesn't make them any less of a parent. You take care of all motherly duties and take them in as your own and love them as if they were your own as well. I'm sure there are struggles that step parents go through that all of us don't know about. But I'm sure that can make the parent stronger and eventually strengthen the bond between child and parent. I am sure you're the best step Mom around.
Response #4
Well I'm on the other end of this...I have step parents and have for many years. I truly love them both with all my heart and i have called them family from jump..even as a kid. You do a wonderful job and i have always looked at how lucky i am to have 4 parents instead of 2!!!
My Favorite Response #5
A mom implies more than just the biological connection which when you think of raising children, giving birth is probably the easiest thing....It's the love ,care , constancy, discipline, honesty, sacrifice and support you provide the kids on an everyday basis that entitle you to call yourself a Mom.
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I would just like to say thank you to everyone who posted a response or messaged me and are still doing so! I was so humbled to know people I care about and admire feel that way about me and their opinion of how I am doing as a step parent, though the question was geared toward the topic of step parents in general. Your support means the world to me. The conclusion I have come to is to always keep the best interest of the children involved at heart. What biological parent would not want someone else to be a good role model for their child and someone else to truly love their child?
I myself feel blessed because when I married Dave, I also married Miles and Katrina...The BONUS for me is that it's just more people to love! And who doesn't want that???? Secondly without the support and love of my husband and each of our families it would make things much more challenging. The constant reassurance that we are in this together and raising kids together has been a HUGE blessing that every woman or man needs in a relationship. I feel validated and hold my head high when I say I am a Mom, because yes, of course I am a Mom...That I know FOR SURE and I am loving every minute of it.
Facebook Post: "If someone asked me to describe myself, in part of the description I would write, A Mom. That is a fair statement wouldn't you say? What is your opinion of step parents and their role in a child's life? I truly want to hear...I think I have decided my next blog entry and I want you to be a part of it...please comment"
I expected some negative responses, some positive and some in between. I expected, "My Step Mom is a Bit$h", "My Step Dad sucks", "Step Moms or Dads are not parents" or something along those lines. Because of course, Step Parents often have a bad rap! Instead, I received such positive reinforcement and guidance from people I care about a lot!
I have changed names, ages, etc in the responses below for confidentiality purposes of the respondents but all polls lead to my answer. Being a parent of any kind is a choice. A step parent like a biological parent has a choice. The choices are what kind of parent they choose to be. To give it their all and give it their best, given some good and some bad days. OR forget it, give up and not get involved. No one said it was going to be easy but as a great friend has said, it's not about what is easy. It's about the children involved. Below are a few of the responses to my post.
Response #1
So I have a very strong opinion on this one, and I love the opportunity to share my thoughts. I 100% think you should describe yourself as a mom, and it wouldn't be fair to yourself, step-kids, or husband to think otherwise. But that is YOU. There are so many step-parents out there that don't take the role as a step-parent near as seriously as they should. I was in 2nd grade when my Mom re-married, so technically I have had a step-dad since I was 8. I'm now 28, and after almost 20 years, I still hardly know my step-dad, or have anything close to a relationship with him. This has affected my life in a huge way. Not only do I have anger towards my mother for not thinking it was important for her kids and husband to have a close relationship, but I don't understand a man with step children who could have step-kids for almost 20 years and not speak to them. I understand that the dynamic with families doesn't always make it easy for step-parents and kids to be close, but it's not about what's easy.
You are the true example of what step-parents should strive to be. I'm sure you've had your fair share of ups and down and times of major adjustment, but you've handled things with such grace, just like you handle most everything in your life. You may or may not realize it, but the positive impact your actions are making on those kids is something that will enrich their lives for every year to come.
When my Dad re-married a few years back during college, I gained another step-parent, but this time as an adult. No matter how old we get as kids, it's always wonderful to have another person in your life who loves you, and who you can love back. And that's what's most important--love and support--for parents and children alike. Luckily my step-mom has shown me how beautiful a step-parent/child relationship can be. The world needs more step-parents like you, Heather, and you should hold your head high every single time you say that you are a mom.
RESPONSE #2
I saw your post and I'll be interested in what you write, mainly because you are so loving and active in your step childrens' lives. I have a totally different experience with my oldest step mother and I wish for her sake she could take a lesson from your play book. I honestly do not believe that everyone can be a good step parent and that it takes love and patience to care for a child that is biologically not your own. Unfortunately in our case, her step mother wants nothing to do with her and encourages her father to distance himself. She refuses to be involved in any family function that involves both sides of his family and makes it difficult and confusing for him to love us all and enjoy her time with both sets of parents. Just know that those step mom's like you make it easier for biological mothers when their child is away. They provide comfort and stability to children who have split homes. I know you love those kiddos from reading your blog and look forward to what you will have to say!
RESPONSE #3
I think step parents have a huge impact on a child's life Heather. Just because someone isn't a biological parent doesn't make them any less of a parent. You take care of all motherly duties and take them in as your own and love them as if they were your own as well. I'm sure there are struggles that step parents go through that all of us don't know about. But I'm sure that can make the parent stronger and eventually strengthen the bond between child and parent. I am sure you're the best step Mom around.
Response #4
Well I'm on the other end of this...I have step parents and have for many years. I truly love them both with all my heart and i have called them family from jump..even as a kid. You do a wonderful job and i have always looked at how lucky i am to have 4 parents instead of 2!!!
My Favorite Response #5
A mom implies more than just the biological connection which when you think of raising children, giving birth is probably the easiest thing....It's the love ,care , constancy, discipline, honesty, sacrifice and support you provide the kids on an everyday basis that entitle you to call yourself a Mom.
---------
I would just like to say thank you to everyone who posted a response or messaged me and are still doing so! I was so humbled to know people I care about and admire feel that way about me and their opinion of how I am doing as a step parent, though the question was geared toward the topic of step parents in general. Your support means the world to me. The conclusion I have come to is to always keep the best interest of the children involved at heart. What biological parent would not want someone else to be a good role model for their child and someone else to truly love their child?
I myself feel blessed because when I married Dave, I also married Miles and Katrina...The BONUS for me is that it's just more people to love! And who doesn't want that???? Secondly without the support and love of my husband and each of our families it would make things much more challenging. The constant reassurance that we are in this together and raising kids together has been a HUGE blessing that every woman or man needs in a relationship. I feel validated and hold my head high when I say I am a Mom, because yes, of course I am a Mom...That I know FOR SURE and I am loving every minute of it.
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| I am a lucky girl! |
Saturday, October 1, 2011
October 1st and we are Loving Fall!
The Bakers are in the Fall Spirit....We are busy with soccer this weekend but we ventured out to get Fall decor and stopped and picked sunflowers on the way! We took some great fall pictures before headed home to decorate our porch! Happy October!
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| growing up before our eyes... |
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| 3 Baker girls in a beautiful field of sunflowers |
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| ~Welcome~ Dave and Heather Baker and Family! |
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| Our cute Fall porch |
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| Happy Fall!! |
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Portland Urban Tour Field Trip with the 5th Grade
Miles asked me to join him on his school field trip to Downtown Portland. They called this the Urban Tour. We toured historical buildings such as US Bank Pavilion (Where Dave and I have eaten at Portland City Grill), US National Bank, Bank of The West and The Benson Hotel with beautiful architecture. It was neat to walk Portland and see different views of the city with Miles, being that we are still fairly new to Oregon. We did not make it to the Court House because our group of 8 boys and one girl ran out of time. I had a great group of kids. Our tour guide Cindy was a volunteer with the city and she was fantastic. We ended the tour with lunch at Pioneer Square where we have been before and Miles and his 5th grade class mates were on the news weather update!! What a great day.
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| My group with tour guide Cindy |
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| 25th floor of the US BANK Pavilion looking out at all the bridges and the Willamette River...and of course Mt. Hood |
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| Lots of street art through out the city |
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| Tons of Food Carts |
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| Miles- 5th Grade! |
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| studied a lot of Columns today and the history of each buildings architecture and how it has changed over the years |
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| stair way- Hearts <3 |
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| Can you imagine how the 5th graders responded to this guy? |
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| public transportation, cabs, beautiful flower baskets and bikes....These are Portland Streets in a nutshell. |
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| ceiling of the bank |
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| Hotel Benson where President George Bush has stayed many times among many other famous people. Lots of history to this hotel. Was beautiful inside. |
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| Benson Hotel Chandelier |
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| This window cleaner was very high up...again, imagine 5th graders attracting his attention |
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| Miles and I at Pioneer Square |
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| Miles far right...red jacket. The news guy in the red tie... |
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| the weather guy |
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| kids going crazy and even falling down to be on TV....Was quite a scene |
Sunday, September 25, 2011
A Baker Weekend
This has been another great weekend! The kids had their soccer games yesterday and they both are doing so great! Katrina is becoming more and more aggressive on the attack of the ball. Often times she will push or pull jerseys to get to the ball...She is feisty on the field and it's so fun to watch! Her team won 3 to 1.
Miles team lost in a 4 to 3 battle but did not go down without a fight. Miles is doing a fantastic job. He is such a great sport and is always there to cheer on his team mates. Miles scored two out of the three goals while on offense and the crowd was going wild for him!! It was very exciting.
We told the kids they could get a fish in their rooms if they give maximum effort in their games. They definitely gave maximum effort and are always impressing Dave and I with their talents!
Saturday night Date Nights are back for Dave and I!! After we toured our local Club Sport facility that we want to join, we enjoyed our time out to dinner, shopping and home on the couch to watch Bridesmaids. If you have not seen that movie, it's worth renting for a good laugh. I personally thought it was better than The Hangover.
All is well with The Baker Family!!
Miles team lost in a 4 to 3 battle but did not go down without a fight. Miles is doing a fantastic job. He is such a great sport and is always there to cheer on his team mates. Miles scored two out of the three goals while on offense and the crowd was going wild for him!! It was very exciting.
We told the kids they could get a fish in their rooms if they give maximum effort in their games. They definitely gave maximum effort and are always impressing Dave and I with their talents!
Saturday night Date Nights are back for Dave and I!! After we toured our local Club Sport facility that we want to join, we enjoyed our time out to dinner, shopping and home on the couch to watch Bridesmaids. If you have not seen that movie, it's worth renting for a good laugh. I personally thought it was better than The Hangover.
All is well with The Baker Family!!
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| "Swerve and hit people at random"- a reflection of Katrina in a motorcycle helmet before her game. I thought it was appropriate to pump her up before the game... |
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| Beautiful setting across the street from where Katrina played her Soccer game |
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| An Old house with old stables. Very Vintage Countryside feeling. Loved it. |
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| Becoming a soccer Diva |
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| Miles and his new YoYo. He loves playing YoYo with the neighborhood kids and learning new tricks. |
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| after goal #1 |
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| dominating |
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| the look of determination |
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| Dinner with Hubs. Always fun. |
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| Katrina and her new fish Frankie |
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| Miles and his new fish Stan |
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