I am truly humbled by Heather sometimes. After reading her blog last week, it’s clear that she has so many qualities that can be found in only the most admired personalities. After my divorce, I was initially concerned about how Miles and Katrina would receive another Mother into their lives? Once I met Heather those fears started to fade. In Heather, I knew the kids would find everything they weren’t getting and more. In Heather, Miles and Katrina would have a Motherly role model, that they could respect, in the sense and definition that I grew up knowing. I grew up with aspirations of wanting a cool title on my business card. So I worked hard in school and graduated with expectations of landing a high paying, a high powered position, with a Fortune 500 company! A business card that says CEO! President! Vice President of Operations! Add Your Title Here! As things would have it… I landed at Enterprise Rent A Car! Haha! When I started working at Enterprise, some 16 years ago, I was handed a business card where my title was “Management Trainee”. I hated that title. I mean really… keeping track of business cards even then was hard for people, let alone finding space for a card that says, “Management Trainee”. The title embarrassed me so much, that I never handed the card out, and I never introduced myself to a customer as a trainee. Not even on my first day. I figured if I wanted to be a Manager, I’d do everything I could to step up and be one, without advertising my lack of experience. If I did that, customers wouldn’t know the difference. And I was right. And as the story goes, I got promoted quickly. Then a funny thing happened… When I got promoted to a position where my title actually meant something, it clearly meant more to other people than it did to me? I still viewed myself as the same goofy dude who enjoyed selling sketchy insurance to customers and playing jokes on other employees. However, it was clear that employees who didn’t know me, were clearly intimidated by my title and business card. None of it means anything. Titles, business cards, it’s all a joke. Not to get political but just because you are the President, it doesn’t make you a good one! In my opinion, the best leaders will selflessly avoid taking credit for their successes and unselfishly ignore excuses and take accountability for organizational failures. I find that leadership trait to be a quality that earns respect and unites people.
So what do business cards, and leaders have to do with this??? Here is a woman struggling with the concept of titles, and truly one of the most respected titles out there. It’s a confusing situation because while Heather has so much respect for her mom, my mom, and our grandmothers, Miles and Katrina just have a totally different concept of the word “Mom”. Based on their experiences, their definition is not the same. A business card that says “Mom” doesn’t necessarily mean anything if you aren’t involved. In my opinion, Heather doesn’t need a title!!! In fact, I can tell that Miles and Katrina have a hard time with this concept, because right now… the title “Heather” means much more to them. They don’t want to describe Heather as their “Step Mom” because it won’t portray Heather in a light that means enough to them. To them, it doesn’t do Heather the justice they think she deserves. Miles and Katrina are really smart. They get it. It’s not about titles… To them, no one will truly understand the dynamic of this family and the impact that Heather has had on their lives.
All this rhetoric leads me to the conclusion that titles, no matter what they are, are for needy people who feel the need to advertise a title that makes them feel more important. Maybe I’m being too harsh, but Heather needs no titles here! In my opinion this is why she has struggled with this traditional concept and so have the kids! You can’t put a label on Heather’s impact and influence on myself, Miles, and Katrina. I just can’t imagine where Miles and Katrina would be today without Heather (You can also include me in that statement!). Today, I can confidently and easily make the argument that Heather has been the most influential person in the kid’s lives. A title is just window dressing! “Heather” is irreplaceable! The most important thing in my mind is that Heather knows she can call those kids HERS!!!!!! Because that’s the damn skippy TRUTH!!!!!!
